(巻三十六)飛行機のずしんと降りる枯野かな(長谷川櫂)
４月２３日日曜日
晴れ。朝家事は特になし。無気力。何もせずにＡＶを観たり麻雀やったりと掌の中で余命を縮めている。
昼飯喰って、一息入れて、瞑想して、散歩。
今日は上千葉砂原交通公園へ行ってみた。日曜日の午後で家族連れで賑わっていて、貸し自転車や足踏みゴーカートは順番待ちの様子。広場のテントはだいぶ畳まれてしまったようでポツポツとあるだけだった。ここで遊ぶのを喜ぶの未就学児童までだろう。
そこから曳舟川に戻り、ローソンで鯵フライと缶酎ハイを買い路傍で一杯。久しぶりのアルコール飲料を楽しむ。
アジフライにじやぶとソースや麦の秋(辻桃子)
一杯の後は図書館で２冊借りた。一冊はなぜか畑正憲氏追悼コーナーにあった『ながすぎる蛇のアンソロジー(別役実・編)』だ。加賀乙彦氏のあとが畑正憲氏だが、次がなければ四十九日まで追悼さるのだろうか。
今日は猫たちに癒された。図書館前の都住では先ずトモちゃんが走り出てきてくれた。背中まで撫でてもビクビクしなくなった。そこに鼻黒が通りかかったので「そのほう、まだ生きておったか｣と声をかけてスナックをあげた。鼻黒もしっかりと覚えていてくれた。都住３ではクロちゃんが階段の上の方からかけ降りてきてくれた。首のまわりを掻いてやると、掻いて欲しいところを押しあててくる。
最後に生協によって備蓄水２リットルを１本買う。他に缶酎ハイと柿の種も買う。
交通公園の人出とローソンの一杯で少しうつ状態が改善したようだ。
願い事－涅槃寂滅、酔死か即死。
春愁の中なる思ひ出し笑ひ(能村登四郎)
英聴は、
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00fc3wg
を聞き返した。番組の中でロッジ氏が自作を朗読しているが、それが「死の欲動｣についての部分だ。
“You don't want to get too sentimental about operatives, you know,” he went on. “They’re a pretty crude lot. They seem to like dirt. We put new toilets in the fettling shop last November. In two weeks they were all vandalized. Disgusting it was, what they did to those toilets.”
“Perhaps it was a form of revenge,” said Robyn.
“Revenge?” Wilcox stared. “Revenge against who?
Me, for giving them new toilets?”
“Revenge against the system.”
“What system?”
“The factory system. It must generate enormous resentment.”
“Nobody forces them to work here,” said Wilcox, stabbing the crust of his steak pie with a fork.
“That’s what I mean, it’s the return of the repressed. It’s unconscious.”
“Oh? Who says?” Wilcox inquired, cocking his eyebrow.
“Freud, for one,” said Robyn. “Sigmund Freud, the inventor of psychoanalysis.”
“I know who you mean,” said Wilcox sharply. “I’m not completely solid between the ears, you know, even if I do work in a factory.”
“I wasn’t implying that you were,” said Robyn, flushing. “Have you read Freud, then?”
“I don’t get much time for reading,” said Wilcox, “but I’ve a rough idea what he was about. Said everything came down to sex, didn’t he?”
“That’s a rather over-simplified way of putting it,” said Robyn, disinterring some overcooked fish from its carapace of orange batter.
“But basically right?”
“Well, not entirely wrong,” said Robyn. “The early Freud certainly thought libido was the prime mover of human behaviour. Later he came to think the death instinct was more important.”
“The death instinct - what’s that?” Wilcox arrested the transfer of a morsel of meat to his mouth to put this question.
“It’s hard to explain. Essentially it’s the idea that unconsciously we all long for death, for non-being, because being is so painful.”
“I often feel like that at five o’clock in the morning, ” said Wilcox. “But I snap out of it when I get up.”
Excerpt “The Nice Work by David Lodge”
Being is so painfulが決めだな。
